Whether or not you can be friends with your ex spouse is a difficult question to answer. In some cases, it all depends on how the relationship ended. However, if you have children you will have to at least be civil to each other for their sake.
You may often find yourself drawn into the blame game with feelings of resentment towards him, which is not conducive to maintaining civility. Each side will blame the other, at least in the beginning when the pain is still fresh, and it will be extremely difficult to try and build a friendship with someone you still have feelings for that are not
of the platonic variety. It’s not impossible, but it will take quite a while until both of you have truly gotten over not just your breakup but your feelings for each other as well.
However, you may find that you want to be friends and get along splendidly, almost as if you have never been apart, but this may not be the best idea for you right away because it doesn’t give you time to get over him emotionally. If you are spending most of your days together and are best friends, you may begin questioning whether or not the decision to separate was right and you will most likely end up depending on him emotionally again.
Another thing you will need to consider is that later on down the line, when you want to begin dating again, being best friends with your ex may be difficult for your new partner to handle. It wouldn’t be fair to him in any case and if you are spending a lot of time with
your ex, you should ask yourself whether you really are doing it for the kids or for yourself. Of course you should keep the lines of communication open and be friendly for your children so that they don’t suffer as a result of their parents fighting all the time, but there are limits to how friendly you should be.
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| Friends with Your Ex: Should You? |
The problem with spending too much time with your ex after a relationship break up is that you will always be living in the past,. You will find it easier not to deal with the fact that your relationship is truly over because you are spending so much time together. In
essence, you will still be relying on him emotionally and you will find yourself reluctant to step outside this comfort zone you have created for yourself. In other words, you aren’t really dealing with the reality that your relationship is over because you are in his company so often that it feels like you are still together. Is this really what you want for yourself for the rest of your life?
It isn’t impossible to be friends, it’s just that you have to pick the right moment, namely after you are certain you don’t have feelings for him anymore and you have moved on. Consider how you will feel when someone new comes into his life and because you have been focusing so much on your “friendship” with him, you haven’t actually managed to move on with your own. You will most likely be devastated and angry with him, when in this case it will be solely your fault because you created a relationship in your mind that really wasn’t there.
Being friends is great, but limit the time you spend or speak to him until you are absolutely 100% certain you are over him and have moved on. Plus, you will still need to set boundaries to make sure that he also understands the relationship is over, but we will discuss these a little later.
A few clear signs that you are over him include things such as seeing other men as interesting prospects, even if you are in your ex’s presence or being indifferent to whether or not your ex is with someone else, or finds another person attractive. There are many more signals, but these will definitely be a sign that you are on the right track to getting over him completely.
Ps. Its really important to deal with whatever feelings that rise up after a relationship has ended and also leave the door open for a better future and not put all the blame on the other part. There is great advice on how to deal with such a situation from T W Jackson who has a proven system that has helped over 50 000 people in the same situation.
PPs. Click this link for a Free Video from T W Jackson
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