Article 2 In the Series of "The Nuts and Bolts Of Good Communication"

There are times when you are not clear about what your partner wants. In these cases, you can not reflect back on what he or she has said. But, you can still use reflective listening techniques.

There are four main sentence structures for when you don't know what your partner is saying.

The first one is “Are you saying that...” This makes it clear that you don't understand and you need clarification. Make sure this is done with the right tone. If it comes across as accusatory, your partner may shut down rather than give you the information you need.

The next one is “Do you mean that...” This is very similar but instead of looking at what the person is saying, you are digging deeper into their actual aims.

We Are Getting Back Together

Then, you can dig deeper into your partner's words by repeating back the last few words he or she spoke to you. For instance, if your partner says “I feel angry when you do not clean up the mess you made,” you can say “When I don't clean up the mess I made?” By phrasing it as a question, you elicit further communication.

Finally, you can use the first three sentence structures in combination. Here's an example: “I understand that you are feeling ___. But are you also saying ___? So, you might say “I understand that you are feeling overwhelmed. But are you also feeling under appreciated?

Here's the point: when you use reflective listening, your partner feels that he or she has been heard, that their message has been understood, and that you value them. They will realize that you are showing them respect and that you are making a good faith effort in the relationship. Generally, they will leave the conversation feeling positive both toward you and toward the conversation itself. This is true even if you disagree about the issue.

The conversation moves forward as well. Your partner is encouraged to continue the dialogue because you haven't challenged them on core principles.

Finally, you have avoided power struggles. These are the unproductive shouting matches that make both sides feel that they have to stake out their positions and are loathe to move because that would be “giving in.” Power struggles are often marked by shouting matches. The parties use unproductive aggressive words and phrases such as “Yes I did” and “No I didn't.” The power struggle quickly becomes about who was right and who was wrong rather than focusing on a solution to a problem. The goal becomes to win the argument not to come to a resolution on the issue.

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5th Article In The Series Of Articles on "Sparks Of Love"

It's Important To Find a Partner in the Traditional Way

The traditional way to find a partner is to meet at a single's bar, go on blind dates, or meet someone at a place where you have a common interest like church or a social club.

While many people have had success these ways, non-traditional dating can, in some ways, be even more successful for you.

For instance, how serious are the people at a single's bar going to be about a long term relationship? They tend to be in it for a one night stand. You can go on endless blind dates before you find someone who even rates a second date. And, there may not be enough people involved in the activities you hold dear to date.

But fortunately, the 21st century has brought about large changes in the way people date.

The biggest change, of course, is the rise of internet dating. Now you can meet hundreds of singles in your area safely in your own home. You can exchange emails and photos to see whether there is any interest before you spend the time and money on a date. You can also get to know someone on a personal level before physical attraction becomes the primary issue.

Don't be ashamed to go about meeting people in a non-traditional way. It is the 21st Century After all!

We Are Getting Back Together

I Shouldn't Have to "Settle"

The idea that "I deserve the Best" means that you are never going to find a partner. Nobody is perfect. It doesn't mean that you are "settling" to accept that someone you love has flaws.

This kind of thinking also tends to come from people who have inflated egos. They have a unsubstantiated sense of self worth and don't want anyone who is not as "good" as they are.

Don't look at people as having to be "better" or "worse" than you. Look at them as individuals with potential.

If you are thinking you shouldn't have to "settle" you probably have an ideal partner in mind. Guess what? That person doesn't exist!

If you have this mentality, it's time for a reality check. Personal therapy wouldn't hurt either.

I Want One Person to Have Everything

This is a similar (yet less severe) form of thinking you shouldn't have to settle. You have created an ideal man or woman who can meet all of your needs.

But the truth is that you are a complex person. You may need someone to play poker with, someone to pray with, someone to raise kids with, and someone to have sex with. Three out of four ain't bad.

Your partner is a mere mortal. They have limits. They also have other interests.

Fill your life with a variety of people not just a boyfriend / girlfriend or spouse. You should have friends and family who you can do the things with that don't interest your partner.

Keep in mind that there are some needs that only a partner can help you meet. For your other needs, if your partner meets them that's great, but you can "outsource" them to other people!

Ps. Remember your twin soul is waiting out there and if you need to lighten up your existing relation watch
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We Are Getting Back Together:A 7 Step Plan To Get Her Back

Breaking up is never easy and can dominate all your thoughts so that you can't think of anything else. These thoughts have probably been bouncing around in your head for some time before you found this article. If you are reading this then you made the decision to get her back and want to know what will work to make that happen. Below are six steps that will put you on the right track to getting your ex girlfriend back.

Step 1: Avoid all contact if possible. You may live or work together which will complicate this, but not make it valuable to you. You need to break contact with your ex for about 3-4 weeks. This is a cool down period for both of you. Your ex girlfriend needs time to sort out her thoughts and think about the break up, and no surprise, so do you. We know you really miss her and this time apart is going to be a test like no other, but you need to use this time for what it is designed for. Ideally you want to have no contact at all so no calling her, no texting her, no doing any of those things that you used to use to get in touch with her. She needs time to miss you too. You are giving her some space to recover as you are and it's best if she can do that alone. You've said all you need to say to her for right now.

Step 2: What went wrong? This is an obvious question you should be asking yourself. Something must have gone wrong otherwise the break up would not have happened. Think hard, look deep, and locate the cause of the problem. The problem is never “leaving towels on the floor”, as a hint, look deeper than that. It's never about the towels. You need to uncover the root cause of it all. And then fix it. Finding the problem is only half the solution, it must be fixed as well which often means changing something about yourself. You cannot change anything about your ex but you can change yourself. You must fix this problem before you even think about contacting your ex again.

Step 3: Stop making the same mistakes! This relates to Step 2. Repetition will create habit and change your behavior, even if this repetition is not doing something you used to do. If you want her back your ex girlfriend needs to see these changes have been made and that they are sticking. You can tell her you've changed all you want, but she wants to see it. Show don't tell. Your actions will prove your case more than your words ever will so if you have a choice of either saying “I don't leave towels on the floor anymore” or doing it, just stop doing the thing that rubbed her the wrong way instead.

A 7 Step Plan To Get Her Back

Step 4: You still have a life to live. Don't neglect your friends, your job, and other aspects of your life because of the break up. There is still a world out there that needs you. You will also discover that you can live happy without your ex. Some people may be scared of this concept, but it is empowering. This realization means you choose to be with your ex knowing that you have the choice not to be and can still be as happy as you were before. These activities will make your mind think of other things to help you ease through any remaining pain of the break up as well. You may have to force yourself to go out and be social again, but it's good for you and better for you that you do.

Step 5: Reconnect. You may have to be the one who makes the first call if she doesn't contact you first after one month apart. Keep this conversation light, fun, and preferably brief. Certain topics should not be brought up such as the relationship (now is not the time), any other girls you may have been with, or things you know will incite an argument. Just check in on her and see how she's doing. You don't want to talk too long. A phone call of 15 minutes is plenty of time to get all of this out and then end the call.

Step 6: Now that contact has been established again you need to explain to her that you accept the break up and are at peace with it. You know it was for the best and that you'd like it if you and her could be friends again. At this point you are aiming to set up a small meeting, as friends. You're going to go on several of these mini-dates and this is because things need to be handled slowly and delicately here. You don't want to rush anything that you are not ready for or she isn't. You want to work toward an emotionally charged experience with her because of the bond it can create. You know each other very well so remember what gets her excited, what her passions are, and what gets her adrenaline going. You can recreate strong bonds again if you play into these things about her, things that you probably  already know about her anyway.

If you follow these 6 steps you'll be positioned perfectly to get her back. Do not skip over any steps because they are all important to the process. If you are able to pay attention to yourself and the changes you need to make, and then to her and what she is telling you, then you won't need much more help after this to get her back.
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