Article 2 In the Series of "The Nuts and Bolts Of Good Communication"

There are times when you are not clear about what your partner wants. In these cases, you can not reflect back on what he or she has said. But, you can still use reflective listening techniques.

There are four main sentence structures for when you don't know what your partner is saying.

The first one is “Are you saying that...” This makes it clear that you don't understand and you need clarification. Make sure this is done with the right tone. If it comes across as accusatory, your partner may shut down rather than give you the information you need.

The next one is “Do you mean that...” This is very similar but instead of looking at what the person is saying, you are digging deeper into their actual aims.

We Are Getting Back Together

Then, you can dig deeper into your partner's words by repeating back the last few words he or she spoke to you. For instance, if your partner says “I feel angry when you do not clean up the mess you made,” you can say “When I don't clean up the mess I made?” By phrasing it as a question, you elicit further communication.

Finally, you can use the first three sentence structures in combination. Here's an example: “I understand that you are feeling ___. But are you also saying ___? So, you might say “I understand that you are feeling overwhelmed. But are you also feeling under appreciated?

Here's the point: when you use reflective listening, your partner feels that he or she has been heard, that their message has been understood, and that you value them. They will realize that you are showing them respect and that you are making a good faith effort in the relationship. Generally, they will leave the conversation feeling positive both toward you and toward the conversation itself. This is true even if you disagree about the issue.

The conversation moves forward as well. Your partner is encouraged to continue the dialogue because you haven't challenged them on core principles.

Finally, you have avoided power struggles. These are the unproductive shouting matches that make both sides feel that they have to stake out their positions and are loathe to move because that would be “giving in.” Power struggles are often marked by shouting matches. The parties use unproductive aggressive words and phrases such as “Yes I did” and “No I didn't.” The power struggle quickly becomes about who was right and who was wrong rather than focusing on a solution to a problem. The goal becomes to win the argument not to come to a resolution on the issue.

pS. Advice, guiding, tips and fast ways to get you and your ex back on track again is available here with a
Free review and Video from the best online resource The Magic Of Making Up.

5th Article In The Series Of Articles on "Sparks Of Love"

It's Important To Find a Partner in the Traditional Way

The traditional way to find a partner is to meet at a single's bar, go on blind dates, or meet someone at a place where you have a common interest like church or a social club.

While many people have had success these ways, non-traditional dating can, in some ways, be even more successful for you.

For instance, how serious are the people at a single's bar going to be about a long term relationship? They tend to be in it for a one night stand. You can go on endless blind dates before you find someone who even rates a second date. And, there may not be enough people involved in the activities you hold dear to date.

But fortunately, the 21st century has brought about large changes in the way people date.

The biggest change, of course, is the rise of internet dating. Now you can meet hundreds of singles in your area safely in your own home. You can exchange emails and photos to see whether there is any interest before you spend the time and money on a date. You can also get to know someone on a personal level before physical attraction becomes the primary issue.

Don't be ashamed to go about meeting people in a non-traditional way. It is the 21st Century After all!

We Are Getting Back Together

I Shouldn't Have to "Settle"

The idea that "I deserve the Best" means that you are never going to find a partner. Nobody is perfect. It doesn't mean that you are "settling" to accept that someone you love has flaws.

This kind of thinking also tends to come from people who have inflated egos. They have a unsubstantiated sense of self worth and don't want anyone who is not as "good" as they are.

Don't look at people as having to be "better" or "worse" than you. Look at them as individuals with potential.

If you are thinking you shouldn't have to "settle" you probably have an ideal partner in mind. Guess what? That person doesn't exist!

If you have this mentality, it's time for a reality check. Personal therapy wouldn't hurt either.

I Want One Person to Have Everything

This is a similar (yet less severe) form of thinking you shouldn't have to settle. You have created an ideal man or woman who can meet all of your needs.

But the truth is that you are a complex person. You may need someone to play poker with, someone to pray with, someone to raise kids with, and someone to have sex with. Three out of four ain't bad.

Your partner is a mere mortal. They have limits. They also have other interests.

Fill your life with a variety of people not just a boyfriend / girlfriend or spouse. You should have friends and family who you can do the things with that don't interest your partner.

Keep in mind that there are some needs that only a partner can help you meet. For your other needs, if your partner meets them that's great, but you can "outsource" them to other people!

Ps. Remember your twin soul is waiting out there and if you need to lighten up your existing relation watch
this 00