Couples seeking deeper trust, even when starting out, must communicate with one another. Often this seems far too easy. When asked what they do well, both members of the pair typically say they possess a great handle on communicating. The strict law of averages will tell anyone not every person has the keen grasp on communication they believe they do. This means everyone, no matter what they believe, needs to work on their skills.
* Listen: The cornerstone of trust involves taking in the information of the other person and must come first every time.
* Speak: Stone cold silence stifles any hope forming a bond. Sharing breaths life into the spark of communication.
* Clarify: Brief exchanges verifying what has been disclosed eases the conversation forward allowing for deeper topics to arise.
The next step to building trust revolves around connecting with a partner. Communication, at least initially, can stay at a surface level. If a couple wants to deepen their trust, they must be brave and connect on deeper topics. These areas can be fraught with risk because people develop viewpoints which may be challenged in ways they find uncomfortable. In that difficult space, trust is forged.
|Blocks to Building Trust|
* History: Mutually confessing past hurts displays chinks in the perfect images and allowing the other to witness true shortcomings.
* Future: Hopes and dreams live in the space beyond the now. By delving into these areas, couples get windows into each other's hearts in special ways.
* Beliefs: Trust can flourish in a debate about things held sacred by each person. The very insubstantial nature of these topics means a bond becomes critical in ways simple conversation alone will never cover.
This final step brings couples to the pinnacle of trust building because it connects the first two in the unique space beyond the obvious. Couples can believe they communicate well. They also can feel connected to one another. Care for each other comes from a place far different. It is a melding of the head and the heart. Intellect may carry the pair to lip of the diving board. The plunge occurs when the heart sees no other avenue than caring for the person. Caring never means blindly moving forward without communication or connection. Care overwhelms past prejudices allowing light and love to flow inside the couple.
It is best to see the three steps as strands of a cord braided together. No one will care with out sharing their heart. Connection never goes deeper than spirited debates in the absence of care. There is a place where they all mix into something stronger than the three skills alone. Couples with a strong bond will be secure with trust to carry them through any trial and into deeper love.