4th Article In The Series On "Sparks Of Love"

This article is the 4th article in the series of articles on "Sparks of Love"

Physical Attractiveness

You look at your mate much more than you look at yourself. For that reason, you need to be fairly satisfied with the physical attractiveness of the person you are with. Dissatisfaction will undermine the entire relationship.

This is not to say that you have to date a model or a jock in order to be happy with your partner. But, you probably don't want to be physically revolted by them either.

You should know that people tend to find someone more attractive once they have fallen in love. So, you shouldn't put off a first date just because the person doesn't fit the ideal that you have imagined.

Sex

Sex helps you stay emotionally bonded with your partner. Usually, your partner is the person you most want to be emotionally intimate with and sex facilitates that process.

There are a number of factors which help to determine how satisfied you are in your sex life. These include being attracted to your partner, having an emotional bond, and resolving problems that occur outside of the bedroom.

But there is also the matter of how much skill and inhibition you have in the bedroom. Remember, while practice may not make perfect, it does make for a lot of fun.

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Investment in the Relationship

In many relationship, a woman is madly in love with a man and the man is only casually interested in the woman. This also happens the other way of course. If the partners have different investments in the relationship, it is doomed to failure.

Think about what you are putting into the relationship and what you are getting out of it. If the two don't balance, think about whether the investment is unequal. If it is, consider whether this is going to work out long term.

Power

What is the power balance in your relationship? Some conservative cultures give all of the power – including the sole right to divorce – to the man. In some relationships, one person has more power due to a stronger financial position. Other times, one partner just has a personality that overwhelms the other.

In the beginning stages of a relationship, power balances are quite fragile. But if a relationship is going to work, these issues need to even out over time.

Financial Attitudes

Are you a spender or a saver? Can you get along with someone with a different financial attitude than you have? One recent study showed that spenders tend to marry savers in order to moderate their behavior and savers marry spenders to liberate theirs. But, if your outlooks on finance are too different, there could be serious conflict within the relationship.

Remember that money is one of the most common – and crippling – problems in relationships. So, get a clear idea on how your partner feels about finance before you marry and then work out your money issues as you go along.

What Doesn't Matter

Just as there are things that really matter in relationships, there are also things that don't matter. These are common misconceptions and myths about what makes a relationship succeed.

Tomorrows article will be the 5th article in the series of articles on "Spark of Love".

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3rd Article in the Series On Sparks of Love

Sparks of love must continue in a relationship and one way to do that is to be sharing the same goals as your partner.

Shared Goals

There may be instant attraction across a crowded room, but a relationship can not exist on initial sizzle alone. Along the way, you have to develop some shared goals.

Both partners need to feel good about where they – and their relationship – is going.

For instance, if one person wants a long term commitment that leads to marriage and the other is looking for a casual arrangement, the relationship is not likely to last.

Similarly, if one partner wants children and the other is allergic to kids, there may be a serious fracture in the marriage.

In order for a relationship to work, there are many compromises that have to be made. But, there are some things for which there are no compromises available. For these kinds of goals, you must be in tandem if you want your relationship to go forward.

Timing

It may be that the person you marry is the person you are dating at the time in your life that you are ready to get married. Timing plays an important role in a successful relationship.

You may meet a really great guy or gal when you are 19 and things go along just great. But, at 19, you are focused on school and starting a career and aren't ready to settle down. By the time you are ready, you've moved to different cities and the bond has been broken.

Similarly, you may meet someone right after you have gone through a divorce. But, you are not in an emotional place to let someone new into your life. So, that will be a fish that got away.

Timing is an important component in the kind of men or women you develop strong relationships with.

Communication

You don't have to agree on everything to make your relationship work. But, you do have to have a way to discuss things and resolve differences. If you can handle this in a reasonable way, you can be happy despite your differences.

Consider developing strong relationship communication skills. For instance, employ the tactic of reflective listening. This means that you repeat back what the other person has said and ask if your interpretation is correct. You can also employ empathetic communication where you acknowledge the other person's point of view and then state your own.

Keep tabs on your tone of voice, the volume, and the speed at which you talk. Think about what messages your face is conveying (ie. Rolled eyes, frowning). Consider moderating your gestures and making them more inclusive. Think about what your body positioning is – are you leaning forward and engaging in the conversation or leaning back and disengaging?

Your communication with your partner doesn't mean total agreement, but it means finding a way to live with each other's opinions.

Fun

Life is not meant to be spent balancing the checkbook and disciplining the kids. Life is to be enjoyed. You should have fun with your partner.

If love is going to be developed, you must genuinely enjoy spending time with the other person.

Try to keep fun in the relationship even in the most stressful times. When you have the money to be extravagant from time to time, indulge the relationship. And, even when money is tight, you can find ways to have fun on the cheap or even free. Window shopping, after all, doesn't cost a dime.
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We Are Getting Back Together: How To Surprise Your Partner

Clean Your Love's Place

Leslie was very organized by nature.  Rick was not.  Rick's work shed was an absolute mess and he complained that he could never find anything.

The work shed was someplace that Leslie didn't frequent.  She didn't care whether he kept it clean or not.  But, she knew that he would love to have it organized.

So, as a birthday gift, she gave him a note saying she would clean it for him.

Many times men express their love for their partner by "doing things."  Women should do the same.

Doing something concrete for the person you love can be one of the most romantic things you can do.  When she comes in and cleans his place or he goes and cleans out her rain gutters, partners are making a time commitment into the relationship.

The idea of someone we love doing something we loathe is just really cool.  Besides, cleaning someone else's place isn't as bad as working on your own place.

Don't send the message that "you’re a slob" though.  You might want to clean one room, for instance.  Do it in a spirit of love and not "I'm sick of this clutter."

Don"t think about throwing anything away – especially things that he or she loves.  Remember, it’s not about changing his or her behavior but about showing how much you care.  It"s okay to polish the chrome in the bathroom, but throwing things out is not okay.

It's not fair to peak into drawers and invade someone's private life when you are doing them a favor and cleaning.

Also, unless you have a key and free reign of the place, giving a "gift certificate" good for doing the laundry, cleaning the oven, mowing the lawn or waxing the car may be a better idea than breaking and entering.

Do Something He or She Likes

No two people are exactly alike.  In the early days of a relationship, you"re probably willing to do just about anything to spend time with your partner.  But, as the relationship develops, you start to want to spend time doing "your" things or doing things together that you can both enjoy.

That's why it is such a treat when you say you'll do something that your partner likes exclusively.  Give her tickets to the ballet (and the promise that you'll go without complaining.  Give him tickets to Professional Wrestling and avoid making comments that it's all made up.

And, you don't have to actually give the tickets.  Give a "gift certificate" for "one event of your chose with no complaints and no strings attached."

Your willingness to do something you hate because the person you love loves it, is one of the true signs of love.

Another idea is to give a gift certificate for a "night out with the girls or boys" without recrimination or recompense (and of course, without whining).  This tells your partner that you care about them and really want to make them happy.  Even though you do lots of things together, you don't have to do everything together.
Ps. This is the perfect gift to yourself to maintain a loving relationship ==>>>

Intimacy To Keep Your Love Alive and Well

Give Him or Her a Massage

Not every kind of being physical; involves sex.  For instance, holding hands is a sweet way to connect that doesn't imply anything more than it is.  Dancing is another way to connect physically without sex.

Similarly, giving your partner a massage can be sensual and sexy without involving sex.

The goal is to celebrate sensual intimacy independent of sexuality.  A massage doesn't have to be a seduction.  The goal is good feelings that aren't genitally centered.  You want to feel warm, happy and contented – not sexual.

Don’t treat a massage as a quid pro quo.  It's a gift.  Maybe later your partner will want to give you a gift of massage.  But right now it is something you are giving him or her.

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You'll want to get some good massage oil for the massage.  Then find a flat surface in a comfortably warm room.  A bed will work, but you don't want to ruin expensive sheets and towels.  Find some soothing music and soft lighting.

You can choose to give a full body massage or a less intimate one.  If you are giving a full body massage, remember to include the hands and feet.  It’s a good idea to exclude genitalia when giving the gift of a massage and always offer the option of underwear kept on.

If you aren't at a sexual stage of a relationship, you can offer a hand and foot massage as an alternative to a full body massage.

Plan to spend at least an hour on the massage.

If you are unsure about how to give a massage, you can get a good book from the book store, take a class, or practice on a friend first (who will love being your practice object!)

Michelle and Brian decided to take a couple's massage class together.  It was a fun way to get out and meet people.  But it also strengthened their relationship because they developed a practical skill that they could use in their relationship.

Now they love to give – and receive – massages and they feel that they are competent in giving them.  They feel like they save hundreds of dollars a year in masseuse fees and give each other a special gift at the same time.

Shampoo and Bathe Your Love

In many cultures, baths have had ritual status both as a way of purifying but also of relaxing and celebrating.

There is something very loving about washing someone.  The warm water, soap and bubbles take us back to being cared for and pampered and loved.

A long, careful, gentle shampoo is sexy.  Get some scented candles and soft music to go along with it.

While a shower has its own sex appeal, that’s not what were talking about here.

Bathing together when there is a hygiene problem on the part of one partner can be a fun and nifty way of bypassing those less than romantic odor discussions.

You can also make bathing independent of lovemaking.  In fact, it may be even more romantic when it is independent of sex.  Play geisha girl or boy to your loved one.

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Keeping Your Love Fresh and Alive By Sharing Baby Pictures and Childhood Stories

Share Baby Pictures and Childhood Stories

There's a reason your mom trots out your baby pictures.  You were really cuddly, sweet and innocent back then.  There's something elemental and basic about seeing who you were then.

You may be feeling a little silly about sharing your early stories, but if you show your partner a little about who you were then, he or she will know more about you and who you've become.

This is not a time for sharing the dysfunction and abuse you suffered as a child, if there was any.  Instead, you want to share the charm and nostalgia of your childhood.

If you are comfortable, consider sharing a childhood photo album with your sweetheart with your mom and dad.  They will undoubtedly have some memories to share that you won't think of.  This won’t work for every couple though.  If you feel that your parents or family has a hidden agenda, then stay clear.

Also, this is not the time to bring up the story of every date you went out on in your life.  This is a time for bonding together not growing apart.

However it is perfectly fine to show pictures of your early teens and the early teen boyfriends. As you know these pictures could be a bit gawky and somewhat embarrassing but your true love will see them as another part of you they didn't know until now.

Breaking out the junior high and senior high school year books is another way to keep your love fresh and alive. This may be especially effective if you and your true love are still together all these year later. The memories of your early discovery of each other can really bring forth a lot of laughs and maybe even a few tears as your love grew for each other.

Now a word of caution needs to be offered at this time. Be careful about showing the pictures of you and someone else that may have had a short lived fling in junior and senior high. Especially if your true love still has some lingering resentment over it.
Ps. Sharing is caring and here is how =>>>

We Are Getting Back Together: Look Within To Win Your Ex Back

Are you the same person he or she fell in love with? This is a difficult question to answer but if you are honest with yourself you will be able to do it pretty effectively.

Think about the last few times you were together. Were you the same loving, fun person your ex fell in love with? Did you spend time together enjoying each other's company? Or were your last few meetings filled with tears, jealousy, disagreements and arguments?

Perhaps you're one of the unlucky ones who thought everything was going along just fine, when your partner broke it off unexpectedly. No matter what the cause, there are always reasons behind the actions, even when they're not immediately evident.

Look Within To Win Your Ex Back

Life has a tendency to change us and drag us down if we don't fight against the current of depression that seems to be so fashionable nowadays. The problem with depression is that it's a vicious cycle. When we are depressed we turn on everyone, especially anyone who dares take us out of this state, and then we feel bad for acting the way we did so we sink even deeper into this state of depression.

So, ask yourself this, did you let life drag you down so much that you forgot about what is truly important in life? Did you allow financial worries to eat away at you so much that you couldn't see how you were treating your partner?

Perhaps your own situation was more related to how everyone changes a little when they fall in love. After all, before you both met, you were independent, happy people, going about your own lives. Once you got into a relationship together, you both became a little dependent on the other to provide happiness, pleasure, security and comfort. This can become a problem if the part of you your ex fell in love with was your independence.

So, how much have you changed since you first met your ex? Do you like the person you have become? Were you a carefree, fun person with an insatiable love of life and now you have become someone who gets irritated at the drop of a hat?

If the changes in you are so vast you barely recognize yourself and you definitely don't like who you have become then maybe it's time you started doing something about it. After all, if you don't like yourself this way, don't you think that it will also have an impact on how your partner feels too?

If you are serious about getting your ex back then you have to be honest with yourself here. Stare at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself: Who have I become? If you don't like the answer then it's time to think about who you really are if you want to get your ex back and build a lasting relationship together.

The only way to rebuild your relationship is to first create lasting change within yourself. Work on building up your self-esteem and your self-opinion. Regain your old confidence and see if the happy, bubbly version of you is still in there. Otherwise you will just end up in the same old cycle that got you in this situation in the first place.
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