4th Article In The Series On "Sparks Of Love"

This article is the 4th article in the series of articles on "Sparks of Love"

Physical Attractiveness

You look at your mate much more than you look at yourself. For that reason, you need to be fairly satisfied with the physical attractiveness of the person you are with. Dissatisfaction will undermine the entire relationship.

This is not to say that you have to date a model or a jock in order to be happy with your partner. But, you probably don't want to be physically revolted by them either.

You should know that people tend to find someone more attractive once they have fallen in love. So, you shouldn't put off a first date just because the person doesn't fit the ideal that you have imagined.

Sex

Sex helps you stay emotionally bonded with your partner. Usually, your partner is the person you most want to be emotionally intimate with and sex facilitates that process.

There are a number of factors which help to determine how satisfied you are in your sex life. These include being attracted to your partner, having an emotional bond, and resolving problems that occur outside of the bedroom.

But there is also the matter of how much skill and inhibition you have in the bedroom. Remember, while practice may not make perfect, it does make for a lot of fun.

We Are Getting Back Together

Investment in the Relationship

In many relationship, a woman is madly in love with a man and the man is only casually interested in the woman. This also happens the other way of course. If the partners have different investments in the relationship, it is doomed to failure.

Think about what you are putting into the relationship and what you are getting out of it. If the two don't balance, think about whether the investment is unequal. If it is, consider whether this is going to work out long term.

Power

What is the power balance in your relationship? Some conservative cultures give all of the power – including the sole right to divorce – to the man. In some relationships, one person has more power due to a stronger financial position. Other times, one partner just has a personality that overwhelms the other.

In the beginning stages of a relationship, power balances are quite fragile. But if a relationship is going to work, these issues need to even out over time.

Financial Attitudes

Are you a spender or a saver? Can you get along with someone with a different financial attitude than you have? One recent study showed that spenders tend to marry savers in order to moderate their behavior and savers marry spenders to liberate theirs. But, if your outlooks on finance are too different, there could be serious conflict within the relationship.

Remember that money is one of the most common – and crippling – problems in relationships. So, get a clear idea on how your partner feels about finance before you marry and then work out your money issues as you go along.

What Doesn't Matter

Just as there are things that really matter in relationships, there are also things that don't matter. These are common misconceptions and myths about what makes a relationship succeed.

Tomorrows article will be the 5th article in the series of articles on "Spark of Love".

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3rd Article in the Series On Sparks of Love

Sparks of love must continue in a relationship and one way to do that is to be sharing the same goals as your partner.

Shared Goals

There may be instant attraction across a crowded room, but a relationship can not exist on initial sizzle alone. Along the way, you have to develop some shared goals.

Both partners need to feel good about where they – and their relationship – is going.

For instance, if one person wants a long term commitment that leads to marriage and the other is looking for a casual arrangement, the relationship is not likely to last.

Similarly, if one partner wants children and the other is allergic to kids, there may be a serious fracture in the marriage.

In order for a relationship to work, there are many compromises that have to be made. But, there are some things for which there are no compromises available. For these kinds of goals, you must be in tandem if you want your relationship to go forward.

Timing

It may be that the person you marry is the person you are dating at the time in your life that you are ready to get married. Timing plays an important role in a successful relationship.

You may meet a really great guy or gal when you are 19 and things go along just great. But, at 19, you are focused on school and starting a career and aren't ready to settle down. By the time you are ready, you've moved to different cities and the bond has been broken.

Similarly, you may meet someone right after you have gone through a divorce. But, you are not in an emotional place to let someone new into your life. So, that will be a fish that got away.

Timing is an important component in the kind of men or women you develop strong relationships with.

Communication

You don't have to agree on everything to make your relationship work. But, you do have to have a way to discuss things and resolve differences. If you can handle this in a reasonable way, you can be happy despite your differences.

Consider developing strong relationship communication skills. For instance, employ the tactic of reflective listening. This means that you repeat back what the other person has said and ask if your interpretation is correct. You can also employ empathetic communication where you acknowledge the other person's point of view and then state your own.

Keep tabs on your tone of voice, the volume, and the speed at which you talk. Think about what messages your face is conveying (ie. Rolled eyes, frowning). Consider moderating your gestures and making them more inclusive. Think about what your body positioning is – are you leaning forward and engaging in the conversation or leaning back and disengaging?

Your communication with your partner doesn't mean total agreement, but it means finding a way to live with each other's opinions.

Fun

Life is not meant to be spent balancing the checkbook and disciplining the kids. Life is to be enjoyed. You should have fun with your partner.

If love is going to be developed, you must genuinely enjoy spending time with the other person.

Try to keep fun in the relationship even in the most stressful times. When you have the money to be extravagant from time to time, indulge the relationship. And, even when money is tight, you can find ways to have fun on the cheap or even free. Window shopping, after all, doesn't cost a dime.
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We Are Getting Back Together: Rekindle the Love

Rekindle may not be the best of words since love doesn't disappear. It just gets pushed to the back burner as other problems become the focus of your lives. However, the most valuable lesson you can learn is that if you give love with no obligation and without expecting anything in return it will be returned to you tenfold.

While communication does form an important part of putting your problems behind you and working on solutions for the future, it's also vitally important to learn what each other needs in order to feel loved by you.

 Rekindle the Love

This could be something as simple as learning to listen when one of you wants to talk, or spending time together laughing at silly movies, or it could be always remembering to hug each other before leaving. It makes no difference how big or how small the gesture, everyone has something they would appreciate you did for them to show them you care.

If you and your ex have only just started seeing each other once again, be sure to take things slowly. Don't arrange to see each other every single day, but try for perhaps a couple of times a week. This gives you both a chance to miss each other during the days when you don't speak, but it also creates a sense of anticipation for the next date.

Plan fun dates together that highlight the enjoyment you get out of each others company. These don't have to be expensive outings. You might decide to stay in and watch a fun movie, or take a walk along the beach, or meet up with friends. Do whatever feels fun and natural so you both begin to remember the good times more often than the bad.

Make sure you keep the deep and meaningful stuff to a minimum at this point. After all, you want to build a long term relationship based on mutual love, trust and respect here, but it's also important to remind each other of how much you enjoy each others company.

The difficulty with this phase of getting your ex back is the temptation to call them all the time to check who else they're with or what they're doing when they're not with you. Men and women can often find this kind of constant calling and jealous questioning to be a sign of desperation or mistrust. These signs can often make your ex believe it’s just too difficult to pursue you any longer and back away again.

Learn to trust that your ex is still easing slowly back into the relationship, so be sure to extend a little faith that you're the person your ex really wants to be with and allow each other a bit of space between dates.

As time passes, your ex should realize that you really are the person of his or her dreams. You'll notice contact becoming more regular and dates becoming more frequent. When you notice this happening, you'll know your ex is back.
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